Public Nuisance No 1
by pir8fancier
Summary: Draco and Harry are ushers. Draco has some interesting ideas on what exactly ushers do at weddings.


**Author's Notes**: Written for The Eros Affair.

"I won't and that's the end of it. Sometimes you are very, _very_ weird."

Draco didn't respond, as he was tying a perfect knot in his cravat. Draco believed in multi-tasking for nearly everything (one reason why he excelled at 69ing), but when tying a tie, one must concentrate. Harry often wondered if Beau Brummell had been a wizard and, if so, he most definitely had been a Malfoy. Several crumpled silver and white-striped cravats lay in sad puddles at Draco's feet.

Emboldened with the knowledge that Draco wouldn't say anything while concentrating on the perfect knot, Harry continued. "Is this something Slytherins muse about at three in the morning? How to have sex in public and humiliate your partner. Bet it only works if you have a Gryffindor as a partner because you'd then give a rat's arse about your humiliation; you'd be too over the moon about theirs. Although anyone wanting to have sex, public or otherwise, with Crabbe _or_ Goyle would have to be completely mental..."

"I am now done with my tie, Harry, so be prepared for a rebuttal." Draco smoothed an elegant hand downward over the front of his cravat and then gave his vest a smart tug. "First of all, public sex is not like taking your dick out and waving it at people. That is simple perversion. There are wards at St. Mungo's for those sorts of miscreants. I am talking about the two of us having sex, surrounded by people, with no one knowing it. After all this time I should know better, but hope springs eternal. You must have some imagination in that plebeian brain of yours. The only people who will know are you and me."

Harry ignored the tingle at his groin.

"In public, but only us knowing."

"Light glimmers. Yes."

"All right. If we can find some discreet coat closet or a room..."

Draco helped Harry into his coat. "Absolutely not. One of us must be visible to the guests. Or both," Draco shrugged. "Double our pleasure, double our fun."

Immediately, Harry thought of Molly Weasley and tried to choke out the word "fun," but it only ended up sounding like a "Fffffff?"

Draco tugged and pulled and twitched trying to get Harry's jacket into some semblance of order. "It's like wrestling with a crocodile. Yes, fun."

"But, but...," and here Harry blushed. "I'm very loud when I come. You _know_ that."

Draco's face, which had been tightening up bit by bit into a full-blown scowl the further this conversation continued, relaxed into a small smile at Harry's blush. He then cupped Harry's chin in his hand and gave him what Harry had named Draco's special kiss. It was almost brotherly. A peck on the forehead and then a brief kiss on the mouth, with enough lip to make Harry glow but not enough to arouse. They weren't declarations of passion or desire. They simply said, "I love you, Harry." And Harry imagined that these kisses were precursors of the kisses they'd give to each other when they were very old.

"Yes, I do know, Harry. A herd of bellowing hippos comes to mind. Part of the _fun_ will be to see how quiet you can be."

Harry reached up to scratch his head and his hand was smartly rapped by Draco's wand.

"I spent four hours devising a spell to conquer your thatch, and I'll be damned if you're going to undo all that hard work with one swipe of that paw of yours."

"Mmmmmn," Harry complained, sucking on the top of his hand. "That hurt."

"Good. It was supposed to. We have a deal."

"No, you're not pulling that la-di-dah Malfoy shit on me. We do not have a deal. I am not having sex with you at Ron and Hermione's wedding. We are ushers, for christ's sake."

Draco frowned in that controlled way of his, trying to convey dissatisfaction but not produce pronounced lines.

"I don't see why being an usher disqualifies me from having sex. I'd say that sex is the only possible compensation for what I spent on this morning suit; it cost a bloody fortune..."

"...Only because you insisted on buying Armani Wizard..."

"...Kiss my well-clad arse because I refused to go to Hobos R Us for All Your Wedding Needs to buy my suit, like some people I know..."

"...I must admit you look terribly sexy in it, and if we weren't supposed to be out of the door in five minutes, I'd drop to my knees..."

"...Nice save. Potter. I promise to make you come first."


End file.
